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Shelter

Posted by on June 18, 2014
old-wallpaper-mary-shipman

PHOTO PROMPT Copyright -Mary Shipman

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is taking a break from Friday Fictioneers this week.  She has other commitments.  So she’s indulging in the time-honored tradition of summer reruns.  I remember the prompt from last year.  It didn’t inspire me at the time, but I’ve decided to take another stab at it.  My 100 words are below:

Rachael searched wearily through the rubble of the bombed out town for a secure place to spend the night.  Another 243 miles to get home, if it was still there. Two weeks of walking had not made her hopeful.  She scooted under fallen roof timbers that supported half of a leaning wall and shrugged out of her backpack.  Tomorrow she would have to find food and water to replenish her supplies.  It was getting colder at night.  Soon she would need blankets.  She curled in on herself.  Hidden from the world, she closed her eyes and prayed not to dream.  

 

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12 Responses to Shelter

  1. Adelie

    This was so powerful and engaging. I could really sense her desperation and fatigue. This has a post-apocalyptic feel, but it’s also a story that could be existing today.

    • Melody Pearson

      Thanks, Adelie. That’s what I was going for. I wanted it to feel timeless. It could be the past, the present, or the future. World-wide or a localized thing.

  2. Woman_on_Pause

    I would love to hear more about her journey! This got me hooked. :)

    • Melody Pearson

      Hmmm….I was working with the moment. It’s something I’d have to think about. Maybe, later. Thanks for the encouragement.

  3. Bjorn

    The real power in the story is that last sentence.. it becomes a cliffhanger since we all want to know what she didn’t want to dream…

    • Melody Pearson

      Thanks for the input. I’ll put some thought into that.

  4. Sandra

    Nicely done. Post apocalyptic or not, there’s a sense of desperate fatigue here.

    • Melody Pearson

      Thanks, Sandra. I really value your opinion.

  5. Alicia Jamtaas

    Bjorn has already said it – the last line is the clincher. Glad you took a stab at this prompt! Your words tell a great story.

  6. P.S. Josh

    Melody, Good story with great description. I felt like I was there with her. I agree that it’s a good beginning for a longer story. Well written. :) —Susan

  7. Nan Claire Falkner

    Dear Melody, Wonderful story – I could feel her desperation to get home? The sentence that she prays she doesn’t dream is so amazing! Wonderful imagery here! Thanks, Nan :)

  8. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

    Dear Melody,

    “prayed not to dream.” Powerful.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle